Starting the Journey: Facing the Unknowns of Fertility

Working for Malebox in the fertility space has changed how I think about getting pregnant. Knowing more about fertility challenges and conception rates made me realise that it might not be as straightforward as I once assumed. Hearing friends share their own fertility journeys helped me feel less alone as my wife and I started ours. We agreed to take a low pressure approach and focus on keeping things natural, hoping to protect our relationship from the stress that often comes with trying to conceive.

About a month after my wife stopped using contraception, she took a pregnancy test. It was positive. We were thrilled and a bit shocked because it happened much sooner than we expected. We told close family and friends, even though we were aware of the usual advice to wait until 12 weeks. A short time later, some unexpected bleeding took us to the clinic. The scan showed that the gestational sac was smaller than it should have been. A couple of hours later, we were told we had experienced a miscarriage.

Navigating the Challenges: Balancing Hope and Disappointment

Even though I understood how common miscarriage is, the reality still hit hard. Well-meaning reminders about how often it happens did little to ease the emotional weight of it. Instead of jumping straight back into trying again, we decided to take the summer off and simply enjoy life. I felt quietly relieved that we had begun our fertility journey when we did. At 31, the awareness of age and its impact on fertility was in the back of my mind, especially for my wife.

Through my work at Malebox, I had been involved in male fertility research and had tested my own sperm several times as part of competitor analysis. I still remember the anxiety of waiting for that first sperm test result. My uncle had struggled with infertility, which my dad once explained by saying he had issues with his “squiggly tails”, a simple reference to sperm morphology. That bit of family history definitely added to my worry. My results were usually positive, although none of those early tests measured morphology, so some uncertainty always stayed with me.

Month after month, my wife’s period was a reminder of another missed opportunity. I tried to stay positive and kept telling myself that we had conceived once, so surely it could happen again. I was determined not to let sex become too scheduled or mechanical, although this was difficult around ovulation. My wife tracked her cycle with an app, but announcing “it’s time” felt too pressurised. We started using a small chilli emoji in our shared calendar instead. It sounds silly, but it helped us communicate without taking the joy out of intimacy.

Finding a Way Forward: Resilience, Research and a Bit of Luck

As part of product development at work, I volunteered to have my sperm analysed properly in a clinic. I am glad I did, because it showed me how valuable accurate at-home sperm testing could be. The results revealed that my sperm morphology was lower than expected, which raised new questions about whether male fertility might be playing a role in our difficulty conceiving.

Four months later, we saw another positive pregnancy test. This time we stayed cautious and tried not to let ourselves get carried away too quickly. So far everything has been going smoothly, and I feel incredibly grateful for that. This journey has had its challenges, but I know many people face much tougher ones. The more I learn about fertility, sperm health and conception, the more I realise how much luck, timing and patience influence the outcome, whether through natural conception or IVF.

What has helped us most is staying honest with each other, taking breaks when needed and remembering that no two fertility journeys look the same.